Unfermented Fruit Beer

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Obligatory ridiculous glassware must accompany "heavily" fruited sours.

Steps to make Unfermented Fruit Beer (also known as "Pastry Sour", "Slushie", "Smoothie", "Slurpy", "Popsicle", "Sploojie", etc. by marketing teams that know how to appeal to childhood nostalgia):

  1. Buy some fruit puree.
  2. Package it with whatever beer or seltzer you want.
  3. Add some dissolved sugar/vanilla/lactose (or whatever).
  4. Carbonate it light to reduce gushing.
  5. If selling to go, instead of expecting customers to "keep it cold", use the easy money to take some responsibility and buy a damn pasteurizer. Or at least add some potassium sorbate and hope for the best.

Video instructions for making these at home (no homebrewing required):

Noteworthy resources: